Sometimes in life you get to fly.
You stand on a surfboard and balance on the wave. Your skis sketch the powdered surface of a mountain, barely touching the snow. You sit at the bottom of a pool in a warm, watery silence like a jellyfish in a soft, safe blur. You lie on your back in a meadow and feel your soul moving with the clouds to the sweet smell of grass. Or you just hear the music of your child's voice who, for the moment, is entirely, 100%, happy.
Oh hold on. Terminal Cancer! What? Really? Me? Oh. Actually, maybe not. Or maybe so?
There is a time here in Virginia, USA, where the earth stands still.
It only happens once in a summer, (not every summer), after a rain, the clouds are so thick, the sun is so bright. But the sun is only in the RIGHT spot for this event for One Day.
As the sun sets, the entire landscape turns a bright neon yellow. The plants, after the rain, are happy and breathing and growing before dusk. But you can SEE them grow and breathe.
Like an old English legend where animals can talk on Christmas Eve--on this day, you can hear and understand the plants. But the entire sky and EVERYTHING is bathed in a completely impossible shade of neon yellow.
My husband had forgotten the years before. He watches too much news, so the intense neon glow made him worry.
Me, I stepped out away from the house. I could feel and hear the plants and trees growing, just as I have done before, just as our people in Kansas can actually hear the corn growing. Been there, done that, very cool!
With two steps off into the grass and with an eye on the sky, I was flying, growing with the plants around me in the thick cloud neon bright grow light wonderland that happened for a moment that I could step into.
You would think, as a terminal cancer person, that every minute counts. It DOES, but sometimes it doesn't count for much. With a hubby and kids you just ride the wave a little. Some minutes are spent cleaning out the dryer filter. Some minutes are spent trying to unclog the drain. Eleven months to live. . . I still need to vacuum the house. Kid flips attitude for a day. . . that's one whole day in my countdown, not many of those left.
I know that I need to focus on my family
But I can fly so easily. . . just one step into the grass at the right light and I'm there.
You stand on a surfboard and balance on the wave. Your skis sketch the powdered surface of a mountain, barely touching the snow. You sit at the bottom of a pool in a warm, watery silence like a jellyfish in a soft, safe blur. You lie on your back in a meadow and feel your soul moving with the clouds to the sweet smell of grass. Or you just hear the music of your child's voice who, for the moment, is entirely, 100%, happy.
Oh hold on. Terminal Cancer! What? Really? Me? Oh. Actually, maybe not. Or maybe so?
There is a time here in Virginia, USA, where the earth stands still.
It only happens once in a summer, (not every summer), after a rain, the clouds are so thick, the sun is so bright. But the sun is only in the RIGHT spot for this event for One Day.
As the sun sets, the entire landscape turns a bright neon yellow. The plants, after the rain, are happy and breathing and growing before dusk. But you can SEE them grow and breathe.
Like an old English legend where animals can talk on Christmas Eve--on this day, you can hear and understand the plants. But the entire sky and EVERYTHING is bathed in a completely impossible shade of neon yellow.
My husband had forgotten the years before. He watches too much news, so the intense neon glow made him worry.
Me, I stepped out away from the house. I could feel and hear the plants and trees growing, just as I have done before, just as our people in Kansas can actually hear the corn growing. Been there, done that, very cool!
With two steps off into the grass and with an eye on the sky, I was flying, growing with the plants around me in the thick cloud neon bright grow light wonderland that happened for a moment that I could step into.
You would think, as a terminal cancer person, that every minute counts. It DOES, but sometimes it doesn't count for much. With a hubby and kids you just ride the wave a little. Some minutes are spent cleaning out the dryer filter. Some minutes are spent trying to unclog the drain. Eleven months to live. . . I still need to vacuum the house. Kid flips attitude for a day. . . that's one whole day in my countdown, not many of those left.
I know that I need to focus on my family
But I can fly so easily. . . just one step into the grass at the right light and I'm there.
Very nice blog today. I would love to see that yellow world you speak of. Sounds dreamy.
ReplyDeleteThe girlfriend of a friend of mine died yesterday. OC. She was diagnosis about a year ago. Makes me wonder why I'm still here almost 5 yeArs later and she barely got a year. Sad. Chemo tomorrow.ugh. But we are STILL here today.
Julie I am so sorry about your friend.
DeleteYou've had FIVE YEARS already? REALLY? Keep it going, Julie! If you can do five, you can do ten! Your cancer doesn't seem to be very aggressive from where I'm sitting. You really CAN nail it.
I hope the Chemo wasn't too bad this time. It's been 10 days since you wrote so I guess you're over the worst and on the upswing again?
It really is beautiful here, most days are breathtaking. We have a guest room open to your stay at any time (Northern VA, 50 miles west of DC). Your friend was fortunate to have you as a friend.
I was just about to unload the dishwasher but read this and walked out into my beautiful English garden instead X love you x
ReplyDeleteEvery morning you have a skylight in your bedroom. Aaaah! You must invariably wake up happy!
DeleteThe big old (ollllllld) tree out front turns neon yellow every fall, massive and almost fluorescent... and I can't help but stop and gaze at it frequently. It will now remind me of you. xxx
ReplyDeleteIt's so cool how just one spot of color in nature can move us in so many directions. . .
DeleteIt's getting cured that's the killer. My 8 weeks of radiation is over & I won....prostate cancer has a 90% cure rate, I'm cancer free. If I can do it anybody can.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteMike. You survived. No fair using my blog for ranting, though, start your own for that! Love you anyway, your survival helps keep me going.
ReplyDeletecancer
ReplyDeleteIn Dec. of 2013 I was diagnosed with terminal
cancer at the age of 39. The doctors could give
me no hope. I did have chemo and radiation, the
doctors thought that could prolong my life for a
little while. In March of 2014 I had surgery, thats
when they found that the cancer had spread to
my lymp nodes in my right hip area and couldn't
get it all with the surgery. Now it looked like 3-6
months is all I would live. It was a very
aggressive form of colorectal cancer. But WhenI came across doctor Kumar from India he cured my terminal cancer with herbs I'm living very healthy today you too can be save or someone else contact the cancer and kidney doctor via email: DR.KUMARDAVID42@GMAIL.COM
Hello Every One, I am mrs Anne Wilson From Alaska U.S.A, I
ReplyDeletequickly want to
use this medium to share a testimony on how God directed me to
a Legit and
real loan lender who have transformed my life from grass to
grace, from
being poor to a rich woman who can now boast of a healthy and
wealthy life
without stress or financial difficulties. After so many months of
trying to
get a loan on the internet and was scammed the sum of $4,600 i
became so
desperate in getting a loan from a legit loan lender online who will
not
add to my pains, then i decided to contact a friend of mine who
recently
got a loan online, we discussed about the issue and to our
conclusion she
told me about a woman called Mrs Lovene Wright who is the C.E.O of
Lovene finance firm (USA)
Loans So i applied for a loan sum of (60,000.00USD) with low
interest rate
of 2%, so the loan was approved easily without stress and all the
preparations where made concerning the loan transfer and in less
than
two(2) days the loan was deposited into my bank so i want to
advice any one
i need of a loan to quickly contact her via: (
lovenefinancefirm638@yahoo.com) or call them on
she does not know am doing this i pray that God will bless her for
the good
thing she has done in my life.