I must admit that it's a bit odd to be writing a blog about a terminal cancer patient, myself, who is still Not Dead Yet. What part of 'Terminal' don't I understand?
Are y'all getting tired yet? I'm not.
I'm still really jumpy and bouncy.
(Or maybe I'm just nailed to my perch?)
Actually, I DO still crash from my latest treatments, and spend days in bed. But not often. And if or when I spend a day in bed I can still jump out to do 5 loads of laundry and general cleaning and grocery shopping and at least cook a dinner dish to put in the fridge for the family to reheat at sundown. Phew!
Prayers come generously. The results, to me, are showing quite nicely.
Mentally and Spiritually, I am where I need to be now, and growing and changing positively at a pretty good clip. For those of you who are not religious, you can surely understand the spiritual love vibe. . .
I have close to a thousand people pushing their love my way in contemplative prayer. It's completely humbling. And very effective.
People who have to deal with others who have terminal cancer get fatigued and understandably are more than ready for some sort of emotional closure.
If I were from a BAD family, the question would be, "Is She Dead Yet?"
But if you're from my contrary gene pool (Go Canada!) or are friends or advocates, the rallying cry is "No, She is Not Dead Ever! Lab results are misleading! Doctors don't know squat!"
But what's the best way to address people who openly acknowledge that they're actually dying? Go for it. Ask us. Us dying people get one chance to be the wise old people. Cancer center waiting rooms are full of dying people, and people who might live through it. A delicate conversational balance is reached with patients in the waiting room. "Does it hurt?"
My Hope Squadron, which consists of most everyone I know and thousands that I DON'T know, pushes all prayers and good thoughts toward my survival.
My husband worries a little that people don't really understand my cancer because I seem so "up". And healthy.
In 2014 I had a really fun uplifting friend on the UVA hospital cancer floor. I was a newbie to cancer so he was gentle in his choice of subjects and stories. He was British, so his energy and humor was a refreshing reminder of what I loved from years in England. Once I really delved, I found out he had two weeks to live. And then I returned home to my family. And am still here. Not Dead Yet.
I'm still really jumpy and bouncy.
(Or maybe I'm just nailed to my perch?)
Actually, I DO still crash from my latest treatments, and spend days in bed. But not often. And if or when I spend a day in bed I can still jump out to do 5 loads of laundry and general cleaning and grocery shopping and at least cook a dinner dish to put in the fridge for the family to reheat at sundown. Phew!
Prayers come generously. The results, to me, are showing quite nicely.
Mentally and Spiritually, I am where I need to be now, and growing and changing positively at a pretty good clip. For those of you who are not religious, you can surely understand the spiritual love vibe. . .
I have close to a thousand people pushing their love my way in contemplative prayer. It's completely humbling. And very effective.
People who have to deal with others who have terminal cancer get fatigued and understandably are more than ready for some sort of emotional closure.
If I were from a BAD family, the question would be, "Is She Dead Yet?"
But if you're from my contrary gene pool (Go Canada!) or are friends or advocates, the rallying cry is "No, She is Not Dead Ever! Lab results are misleading! Doctors don't know squat!"
OK, that might be a little presumptuous, we need to all settle back down to the pragmatic view of "Not Dead Yet."
Options for true closure on this whole cancer thing are my Remission or my Death.
Remission is highly unlikely. But Death is sure taking its own sweet time.
In short, it's a waiting game. And putting y'all in "The Waiting Room" is nothing I would ever wish on anyone, but there you are. With me. And I TOTALLY appreciate the company.
Delays on approaching death, and remission that never comes? Socially, you can't talk about death dates. Tacky as hell. "So, aren't you dead yet?" "So, when will you actually die?" I'm trying to address that here on the blog, where everyone can read it and nobody has to face the taboo of saying it out loud. July 2017.
But I'm Not Dead Yet.
And with the latest treatments? Jury is still out. July 2017 death date stands until further notice.
But what's the best way to address people who openly acknowledge that they're actually dying? Go for it. Ask us. Us dying people get one chance to be the wise old people. Cancer center waiting rooms are full of dying people, and people who might live through it. A delicate conversational balance is reached with patients in the waiting room. "Does it hurt?"
My Hope Squadron, which consists of most everyone I know and thousands that I DON'T know, pushes all prayers and good thoughts toward my survival.
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| Only a few this time! |
In 2014 I had a really fun uplifting friend on the UVA hospital cancer floor. I was a newbie to cancer so he was gentle in his choice of subjects and stories. He was British, so his energy and humor was a refreshing reminder of what I loved from years in England. Once I really delved, I found out he had two weeks to live. And then I returned home to my family. And am still here. Not Dead Yet.
